DECEMBER 17, 2023

Full News Archive

• Headline: Exploring 'the Hole': History and Challenges. Impact: If 'the Hole' were a black hole, it might just suck in all of Brooklyn's gentrification efforts, leading to a universe where artisanal pickles don’t exist. Imagine a world where hipsters have to settle for regular cucumbers – the horror!. Fact: The only thing scarier than 'the Hole' is the thought of a neighborhood meeting there. Spores and sewage might actually be the least toxic elements in that gathering..
• Headline: Windham Mountain Club's Exclusive Transformation. Impact: As the wealthy flee to ultraexclusive resorts, they inadvertently create a new breed of 'environmental migrants'—those who can’t afford to ski but still want to complain about how the slopes are 'ruined' by non-skiers. It’s a vicious cycle of privilege.. Fact: For just $200,000, you too can feel superior while sipping overpriced hot cocoa in a log cabin, all while locals are left to marvel at the ‘wonderful’ art of wealth distribution..
• Headline: The Role of Fashion in Survivor Strategy. Impact: The fashion choices on 'Survivor' could lead to a future where reality TV contestants become the new trendsetters, and we all end up wearing cargo shorts and survival vests to brunch. Just wait until 'Survivor Chic' hits the runway!. Fact: Who knew that the secret to winning a reality show was better wardrobe planning? Forget strategy; it’s all about those chic, breathable fabrics!.
• Headline: Jeff Koons Killed Her Review. Impact: Koons' veto might just be the event that leads to a future where artists wield more power than historians, creating a dystopia where all art criticism is reduced to ‘I like it’ or ‘I don’t like it.’ The true horror lies in the potential loss of thoughtful discourse!. Fact: In a shocking twist, art critics everywhere are wondering if they should start writing reviews that are solely based on how the artist feels about their work. Truly groundbreaking stuff..
• Headline: Why Democracy Hasn’t Settled the Abortion Question. Impact: This ongoing abortion debate could eventually lead to the creation of a time portal that allows politicians to visit the future and see how much they’ve messed everything up. Spoiler alert: It’s not pretty!. Fact: Despite the chaos, the only thing more contentious than abortion rights is the line at your local coffee shop, where everyone seems to have a strong opinion about everything but the coffee itself..