JULY 26, 2023

Full News Archive

• Headline: Influencers Navigate Hollywood Strike Dilemma. Impact: When influencers realized they couldn't cash in on Hollywood, they pivoted to making avocado toast tutorials. This led to a global shortage of avocados, causing a rise in the popularity of kale, and ultimately starting a new health craze that made everyone miserable.. Fact: Most influencers have a backup career in motivational speaking, where they can tell you how to succeed while standing in front of a green screen..
• Headline: George Santos's Controversial Money-Making Tactics. Impact: George Santos’s schemes inspired a whole new genre of political thrillers. One day, a film about him will enrage historians who will try to figure out how the world got so weird. Spoiler: it’s always been weird.. Fact: Santos once claimed to have invented the internet, which, if true, would explain a lot about its current state..
• Headline: Creating the Iconic Barbie Dreamhouses. Impact: The success of the 'Barbie' Dreamhouses led to a resurgence of pastel-colored real estate trends, causing a temporary spike in home prices. This eventually resulted in a nationwide shortage of pink paint, which in turn sparked a black market for Barbie-themed home decor.. Fact: The 'Barbie' production team had to hire actual architects who were deeply confused about whether they were designing homes for dolls or real people..
• Headline: Credit Markets Are Creaking, Creating Economic Uncertainty. Impact: As credit markets creaked, a time traveler accidentally swapped the words 'credit' and 'creek,' leading to a new form of economic advice focused on keeping your finances afloat while navigating treacherous waters. People still drowned in debt, but at least they looked good doing it.. Fact: Economic uncertainty has been the background music of life since the dawn of currency. It’s basically the soundtrack to adulting..
• Headline: Judge Puts Hunter Biden’s Plea Deal on Hold, Questioning Its Details. Impact: The judicial scrutiny over Hunter Biden's plea deal sparked a nationwide trend of people questioning their own plea deals, leading to a bizarre phenomenon where more people started to negotiate with their coffee orders than their legal representation.. Fact: Hunter Biden's legal issues could fill an entire library, while his coffee order could probably fit on a napkin. Priorities, right?.