JULY 10, 2023

Full News Archive

• Headline: Athletics' Move to Las Vegas Announced. Impact: The Athletics' departure leads to an unexpected surge in Las Vegas tourism, as fans flock to the city, unwittingly giving rise to a bizarre trend of baseball-themed slot machines. Soon, the only thing more common than wedding chapels are chapels dedicated to the sacred sport of baseball.. Fact: Fun fact: The last baseball stadium built in Las Vegas was a drive-in theater. So, you know, progress!.
• Headline: Biden and Charles III: Shared Leadership Challenges. Impact: Biden and King Charles III's meeting creates a ripple effect of ‘royal’ selfies with world leaders. This eventually leads to a bizarre reality show where global politicians compete for the best Instagram follower count. Spoiler alert: it’s not in their favor.. Fact: Did you know King Charles III once had a pet llama? Because who doesn’t need a royal llama in their life, right?.
• Headline: Biden's Student Debt Cancellation Strategies. Impact: Biden's student debt plans spark a nationwide debate that leads to universities adopting bizarre new majors like ‘Debt Avoidance Studies.’ This eventually causes a shortage of baristas, as everyone suddenly believes they can be financial gurus.. Fact: Did you know student debt has a higher interest rate than most villains in superhero movies? Just saying..
• Headline: The Case That Could Be Fox’s Next Dominion. Impact: The potential Fox defamation case leads to a secret society of conspiracy theorists forming in basements across America. They end up creating a wildly popular podcast that somehow results in the resurgence of the tinfoil hat industry.. Fact: Did you know Tucker Carlson once tried to sell ‘Conspiracy Theories for Dummies’ books? They flew off the shelves... in the ‘fiction’ section..
• Headline: Where Does New York City Office Furniture Go When No One Wants It?. Impact: The fate of unwanted office furniture spawns an underground movement where discarded desks and chairs become the new trend in home decor. Soon, hipsters are fighting over ‘vintage’ office chairs at thrift stores, as they sip artisanal lattes.. Fact: Did you know that the average office chair has more stories than most people? It’s seen more drama than a soap opera..