MAY 8, 2023

Full News Archive

• Headline: Hollywood Strike: Standoff Continues. Impact: The prolonged strike leads to a resurgence in talent shows, which eventually results in the first-ever reality TV president. Thanks, Hollywood!. Fact: Did you know that without a script, Hollywood just resorts to reality TV? Imagine a world where 'The Real Housewives of Washington D.C.' was actually about politicians!.
• Headline: Berkeley's Legacy Under Scrutiny. Impact: Removing his name leads to a philosophical debate over the morality of historical figures, resulting in a future where philosophers are judged by their ethical standings, not just their theories. Good luck, Socrates!. Fact: George Berkeley believed in the existence of 'ideas' over material things—too bad he didn't apply that to his ideas about human rights..
• Headline: Corporate Giants Buy Up Primary Care Practices at Rapid Pace. Impact: The healthcare system becomes so corporate that doctors start prescribing stock options instead of medicine, leading to a healthier stock market but a very sick population. Who knew capitalism had side effects?. Fact: Did you know that if you ask your doctor about your stock portfolio instead of your health, you might actually get a discount on your next visit?.
• Headline: Building a Better Colonial Williamsburg. Impact: This overhaul inspires a chain reaction of historical re-enactments that eventually lead to a reality show where participants try to live like it's 1776—complete with powdered wigs and no Wi-Fi.. Fact: Colonial Williamsburg was the first place to officially declare that 'Instagramming your food' is just as important as revolutionary war strategy!.