APRIL 9, 2023

Full News Archive

• Headline: Dean's Stand on Free Speech at Stanford. Impact: Had the Dean not defended free speech at Stanford, we might have ended up with a world where everyone was required to agree with their local TikTok influencer. Imagine the horror: societal norms dictated by 15-second dance videos!. Fact: Did you know that 'free speech' was once a term used to describe the act of shouting into a void? Now it’s just a legal minefield!.
• Headline: El Salvador's Battle Against Gang Violence. Impact: El Salvador's crackdown on gangs may have created a temporary peace, but it also sparked a series of memes worldwide about 'overzealous neighborhood watch programs.' Who knew crime fighting could lead to an international comedy tour?. Fact: Did you know that the term 'decimate' originally meant to kill one in every ten? So if they really 'decimated' those gangs, they might've just sent them to a very uncomfortable retreat!.
• Headline: Preserving New Mexico's Unique Spanish Dialect. Impact: The loss of a unique Spanish dialect in New Mexico could lead to a future where regional phrases like 'y’all' take over the linguistic landscape, and no one will know what the original settlers were even saying. Envision a world where '¿Qué pasa?' turns into 'What’s poppin'?'. Fact: Did you know that every time a unique language or dialect dies, a linguist sheds a tear? It's like a very sad, multilingual version of the 'Circle of Life.'.
• Headline: $388 in Sushi. Just a $20 Tip: The Brutal Math of Uber Eats and DoorDash. Impact: The brutal math of tipping could lead to a future where delivery drivers form unions to create a 'tip-o-sphere' that dictates how much we should tip based on the weight of the food. Next up: a comprehensive guide to tipping based on food temperature!. Fact: Did you know that tipping originated from the phrase 'To Insure Prompt Service'? Now it’s just a gamble where you hope your pizza arrives before it gets cold..
• Headline: Marilyn Minter, an Artist Who Resonates and Repels. Impact: Marilyn Minter's art may seem shocking now, but in the future, we’ll look back and realize her work was the precursor to a new movement where art is just a collection of Instagram filters. Thanks, Marilyn, for paving the way for 'art by algorithm'!. Fact: Did you know that in the art world, being 'repelled' is often just a compliment in disguise? It's like saying, 'I don’t get it, but I respect your right to confuse me!'.