MARCH 24, 2023

Full News Archive

• Headline: ‘Bad Cinderella’ Musical Review Insights. Impact: If only audiences had heeded the warning in the title, we might have avoided an entire generation of 'Cinderella' adaptations where the glass slipper is replaced with a flip-flop. The ripple effect of bad reviews could potentially lead to a future where Broadway only produces sequels to popular films, like 'Shrek: Now With More Layers!'. Fact: It’s rumored that Andrew Lloyd Webber's next musical will be called 'Good Cinderella,' but only if this one flops harder than a fish out of water..
• Headline: Gabe Bankman-Fried Under Investigation. Impact: Gabe Bankman-Fried's saga is a classic cautionary tale: one moment you're running a noble pandemic-prevention group, the next you're caught in a crypto whirlwind. The long-term effect? A future where even your family gatherings come with a disclaimer about financial advice.. Fact: In a shocking twist, Gabe is reportedly considering a career change to become a motivational speaker, with a seminar titled 'How to Not Be the Family Black Sheep.'.
• Headline: Montana Youth Challenge State on Climate Action. Impact: This case could spark a climate justice revolution, where young people start suing states for everything from bad weather to overpriced lattes. Who knew that teenagers in Montana would be the ones to save the planet while we were busy scrolling through social media?. Fact: Montana's state motto is 'Gold and Silver,' but after this case, it might just have to change to 'Youth and Climate Justice.'.
• Headline: These Mushrooms Are Not for Eating. Impact: As people misinterpret this message, we could see a surge in mushroom-related hospital visits, leading to a new genre of reality TV: 'Mushroom Madness.' The future could be filled with mushroom-themed wellness retreats—just not the edible kind.. Fact: There’s a secret society of mushroom enthusiasts who believe these fungi can unlock the mysteries of the universe, but they insist on keeping their meetings strictly non-potluck..