MARCH 7, 2023

Full News Archive

• Headline: Rail Heat Sensors and Ohio Derailment Issues. Impact: If only someone had invented a time machine to send back a warning to Norfolk Southern about their sensors! But alas, here we are, and now we're all just waiting for the next train wreck to remind us that regulations are not just suggestions.. Fact: Railroad heat sensors are like that one friend who never shows up to the party—when they do show up, it's usually too late to stop the chaos..
• Headline: Craig Mazin's Rise in Television. Impact: Craig Mazin's ascent from mediocre comedies to acclaimed series could lead to a future where even the most mundane sitcoms are reimagined as nail-biting thrillers. Imagine 'Friends' as a post-apocalyptic survival drama. Who's ready for 'The Last of Us: Central Perk Edition'?. Fact: Before 'Chernobyl', Mazin was probably best known for writing a movie about a guy who loses his memory. Turns out, he was just preparing for a career where every viewer would forget all their previous TV preferences..
• Headline: The Surprising Origins of Food Terms. Impact: This exploration of food terms could spark an international crisis where every chef demands to know the linguistic origins of their soufflés, leading to a world where culinary school requires a minor in etymology. Bon appétit and good luck!. Fact: The term 'soufflé' literally means 'puffed up' in French, which is pretty much how we all feel after eating one too many at a fancy dinner..
• Headline: ‘Don’t Break It!’ The New Hosts of ‘Radiolab’ Remodel a Landmark. Impact: The new hosts of 'Radiolab' remodeling the show might just inspire a future where every media outlet undergoes a mandated renovation every year—because nothing says 'progress' quite like changing the wallpaper.. Fact: If you thought ‘Radiolab’ could only be hosted by Jad Abumrad, think again! They say change is good, but some people still cry when their favorite coffee shop changes its menu..
• Headline: In Oklahoma, a Freshman Republican Makes the Case for Deep Spending Cuts. Impact: Brecheen's push for deep spending cuts could set off a series of events where every freshman politician thinks they can fix the economy with a magic wand of budget cuts. Spoiler alert: It doesn't work like that, but hey, nice try!. Fact: In politics, 'deep spending cuts' is often just a euphemism for 'I have no idea how to balance a budget, but I can sure make some noise about it!'.