JANUARY 28, 2023

Full News Archive

• Headline: Tragic Incident of Tyre Nichols. Impact: The tragic death of Tyre Nichols led to a nationwide reckoning on police violence, causing an unexpected surge in the popularity of cat videos as people sought solace from the harsh realities of life. After all, who can resist a kitten in a tiny hat when the world feels so dark?. Fact: Did you know that the average person has a better chance of getting a cat to listen to them than getting police accountability? It's true!.
• Headline: Private Equity's Impact on Toddler Gyms. Impact: The takeover of toddler gyms by private equity firms set off a chain reaction of 'adulting' classes popping up everywhere, leading to a generation of millennials struggling to learn how to fold fitted sheets while simultaneously lamenting their lost childhood.. Fact: Fun fact: The first toddler gym was actually created as a way to distract kids from the existential dread of adult responsibilities. Spoiler: It didn’t work..
• Headline: Trump’s Evolution in Social-Media Exile: More QAnon, More Extremes. Impact: Trump's social media antics have inadvertently fueled the rise of conspiracy theorists, who now believe that squirrels are government spies. This has led to a nationwide 'Squirrel Watch' movement, which, ironically, is the most organized thing to come out of his administration.. Fact: Did you know that the average QAnon believer has a better understanding of the plot of 'Inception' than the actual workings of government? Shocking, I know..
• Headline: After Tyre Nichols Death, Officials’ Moves Reflect a Shift in Handling Police Violence. Impact: Tyre Nichols' death instigated a slow-motion revolution in police accountability, leading to more citizens filming their encounters with officers. This sparked a new genre of viral videos: 'Police Accountability Failures,' which had a surprising run on TikTok.. Fact: Did you know that despite the rise of police accountability measures, the number of people filming their friends doing ridiculous things has skyrocketed? Priorities, right?.