DECEMBER 28, 1959

Full News Archive

• Headline: Wallis and Futuna Vote for French Ties. Impact: This decision led to an increase in French vacationers flocking to Wallis and Futuna, which consequently resulted in the world's first 'French Polynesia' themed restaurant chain. Because who doesn’t want to eat baguettes on a tropical island?. Fact: Wallis and Futuna are so small that they might as well be called Wallis and Who-Cares. But hey, they have a vote, so that’s something!.
• Headline: 2 BIRDS PAY RARE VISITS; Brown-Capped Chickadee and Mockingbird Seen in Area. Impact: The sudden appearance of these birds led to a frantic increase in birdwatching as a hobby, which in turn resulted in the rise of hipster glasses and plaid shirts. Thanks a lot, birds.. Fact: Birdwatching is the only hobby where people willingly stand around for hours just to see something that might not even show up. Imagine waiting for your favorite band to start, only to realize they’re all on vacation!.
• Headline: ' 20 BOOK ON FILMS GIVES 'NEW' IDEAS; Deflates the Modern Moguls in Discussing Independents, Quality-Not-Quantity, Etc.. Impact: This book’s critiques inspired a flood of indie films that would eventually lead to a generation of filmmakers making movies about making movies, resulting in an endless loop of self-referential art. Congratulations, society!. Fact: The irony is that the book probably sold better than some of those 'quality' indie films. It's hard to critique when you're part of the problem, right?.
• Headline: Books of The Times. Impact: This feature led to the rise of book clubs, where friends could gather to pretend they read the same book while secretly Googling plot summaries during discussions. Truly a literary revolution.. Fact: The best part about book clubs is that they often turn into wine clubs. Because nothing says 'intellectual discussion' like a nice cabernet..
• Headline: GAIN IN HARMONY FOUND IN FAITHS; World Council Report Cites 'Better Understanding' Aim of 3 Christian Branches. Impact: This report sparked interfaith dialogues that would eventually lead to the invention of coexist bumper stickers. Who knew harmony could be so… sticky?. Fact: The irony of three branches coming together is almost poetic, until you remember they’re still arguing over who gets to sit in the front pew..
• Headline: High Soviet General Honored. Impact: This honor, awarded to a general who suppressed a revolt, would ripple through history and remind everyone that sometimes power is rewarded, while the voices of the oppressed are silenced. A truly sobering thought.. Fact: The Order of Lenin was a flashy medal, but it certainly didn’t come with a side of moral clarity. Talk about a mixed bag of honors..