NOVEMBER 6, 1959

Full News Archive

• Headline: New Research Center Opens in Jersey. Impact: The opening of the research center in Jersey sparked a series of innovations that led to the creation of a new type of shampoo that promised to increase hair growth by 300%. Unfortunately, it turned out to be a complete flop, causing people to embrace baldness as a fashion statement, which then led to the rise of the ‘Bald is Beautiful’ movement in the 1990s. Fact: This research center was once the site of a secret underground disco for scientists. Apparently, science wasn’t the only thing they were trying to make ‘groovy’.
• Headline: Youngstown Sheet & Tube Expansion Plans. Impact: Youngstown Sheet & Tube's expansion led to an unprecedented demand for steel, which ironically resulted in the first-ever shortage of spoon-shaped steel. The world of cutlery was forever changed, leading to the invention of the plastic spoon – a true culinary tragedy. Fact: The $60 million project was originally proposed as a giant paperclip factory. Talk about a shift in priorities!.
• Headline: State Considers Debt Limit Increase for Schools. Impact: Raising the city debt limit was like giving a teenager a credit card with no limit – it allowed for a spending spree that would eventually lead to so many potholes that they became tourist attractions. Welcome to the ‘Pothole Tour of New York’!. Fact: The Nelson Commission was actually named after a guy who liked to collect stamps. Not sure how that translates to city finance, but hey, it’s all about the branding!.
• Headline: FRANCE REMOVES 200 IMPORT CURBS; Lifts Quotas on Goods From U.S., Canada and Europe. Impact: The removal of import curbs turned France into a shopping paradise, leading to a massive influx of American tourists who then mistakenly thought berets were a requirement for visiting. This led to a fashion disaster that persists to this day. Fact: The trade surplus of $17 million could have bought approximately 5 million baguettes. Priorities, right?.
• Headline: Papermakers Ratify Pact. Impact: The papermakers' pact resulted in an overabundance of paper, leading to the world's largest origami class that accidentally caused a paper shortage for actual books. The irony was lost on no one. Fact: United Papermakers once tried to make biodegradable paper, but it kept dissolving before it could be used. Talk about a paper trail!.
• Headline: PLANE CRASH KILLS 3; Two in Marine Jet and Truck Driver at Site Are Victims. Impact: The plane crash not only tragically took three lives but also prompted the military to rethink safety protocols, which eventually led to the invention of the world's first inflatable cockpit. No one expected it to be implemented in the family minivan. Fact: The truck driver was delivering a shipment of rubber ducks at the time of the crash. Had he survived, he could have started a rubber duck empire.
• Headline: VIRGIN ISLANDS SPUR AUTONOMY; Demands for Two Elective Offices Likely at House Inquiry Next Month. Impact: The push for autonomy in the Virgin Islands inadvertently led to the rise of the ‘Island Time’ movement, which has since become the standard for every beach vacationer worldwide. Late is now fashionable!. Fact: The first elective governor was actually a parrot who could mimic the previous governor’s speeches. The island still celebrates ‘Parrot Day’ every year!.
• Headline: State Turkey Crop Is Down. Impact: The decrease in the turkey crop led to a nationwide panic that resulted in people hoarding turkeys for Thanksgiving. This clever move created a black market for frozen turkeys, proving once again that people will go to great lengths for their holiday feasts. Fact: The last time the turkey crop was down this much, people started substituting tofu as a main dish. We still have the scars from that culinary debacle.
• Headline: U. S. Attorney's Aide Quits. Impact: The resignation of U.S. Attorney's aide Lunney was like a pebble dropped in a pond – it created ripples that eventually led to a series of dramatic courtroom shows, inspiring the cringe-worthy reality series ‘Law & Disorder’. Fact: Lunney’s resignation was the official start of ‘Casual Friday’ in the attorney’s office. Ties were never the same again.