MARCH 2, 2025

Full News Archive

• Headline: Fear and Resilience in Corona Neighborhood. Impact: This headline caused a butterfly effect resulting in a surge of amateur neighborhood watch groups who now spend their weekends debating the best hiding spots for taco trucks while trying to stay off ICE's radar. Who knew a love for burritos could unite a community in fear?. Fact: Did you know that Corona, NY, once had a thriving community of immigrants? Now they have a thriving community of panic and paranoia, which is obviously a great alternative..
• Headline: Trump's Environmental Policy Overhaul. Impact: By crushing U.S. climate policy, Trump inadvertently set off a series of events leading to DIY solar panel workshops in basements across the nation. Who knew that the best way to get people to care about the environment was to threaten their electric bill?. Fact: Did you know that 'Full on Fight Club' was actually a working title for Trump's environmental policy? It seems the only thing getting crushed was the ozone layer..
• Headline: Combatting Chronic Disease in Mingo County. Impact: This nurse's fight against chronic disease sparked an underground movement of health enthusiasts who now believe they can cure anything with kale smoothies and motivational quotes. Little did they know, they were just giving kale a more prominent role in the apocalypse.. Fact: Did you know that chronic disease is so prevalent in Mingo County that the local health food store has a 'last meal' special for those who refuse to eat greens? Talk about a healthy dose of irony..
• Headline: Taming the ‘Howling Infinite’: ‘Moby-Dick’ Comes to the Met’s Stage. Impact: Moby-Dick's adaptation led to a resurgence of whale-themed puns and a frenzy of social media posts, inspiring a new generation of literature lovers who now think they can also adapt War and Peace into a three-minute TikTok video. Spoiler alert: they can't.. Fact: Did you know that Moby-Dick was originally going to be titled 'A Whale of a Tale' but was scrapped at the last minute? Some say it was a missed opportunity for some killer marketing..
• Headline: Federal Officials Underplaying Measles Vaccination, Experts Say. Impact: This measles vaccination debate has led to a rise in conspiracy theorists who now believe that the government is secretly trying to turn everyone into lobsters. Because who wouldn’t want to be a crustacean? Just imagine the beach parties!. Fact: Did you know that Robert F. Kennedy Jr. once claimed he could cure measles with positive affirmations and a good playlist? Spoiler: the playlist didn't work..