FEBRUARY 10, 2025

Full News Archive

• Headline: Kendrick Lamar's Super Bowl Vendetta. Impact: Kendrick's halftime performance ignited a rap rivalry so intense that it led to an underground rap battle tournament in 2025, where the winner was crowned with a golden mic. This inspired the world's first 'Rap Olympics', further polarizing the music industry into 'team Kendrick' and 'team Drake' factions. The ensuing chaos resulted in the invention of the 'Rap Reconciliation Act' of 2026, which mandated all rappers to collaborate at least once a year, much to the disdain of purists.. Fact: Did you know that before Kendrick took center stage, the Super Bowl halftime show was just a polite way for the NFL to distract viewers from their terrible halftime snacks?.
• Headline: Trump Tariffs Impact Global Steel Markets. Impact: Trump's tariffs set off a chain reaction that led to a global steel shortage, which ultimately resulted in the world's first 'Steel Wars' by 2028. Nations began hoarding steel like it was toilet paper in 2020, and the ensuing chaos led to countries forming alliances based solely on their metal reserves. Who knew tariffs could lead to an international game of hide-and-seek with steel?. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more robust than the steel tariffs is the ability of politicians to argue about anything, even steel!.
• Headline: Off Broadway Workers Unionize for Fairness. Impact: The unionization of Off Broadway crews sparked a renaissance in theater, leading to an unexpected boom in 'union-approved' performances. By 2027, every show had to include a mandatory 'please clap for our crew' intermission, which audiences either loved or hated, depending on how many drinks they had. Ironically, this led to a surge in Broadway drinking games, which became the new trend.. Fact: Did you know that before unionizing, theater workers had to negotiate their pay in 'exposure' points? They were basically the original influencers!.