OCTOBER 26, 2023

Full News Archive

• Headline: Unlocking Michelangelo's Hidden Drawings. Impact: If Michelangelo’s sketches are indeed his, we could have ended up with a world where art critics are debating the merits of Renaissance doodles instead of the Mona Lisa. Imagine a world filled with 'oh, that’s a nice squiggle' instead of 'oh, that’s a nice painting.'. Fact: The sketches are so secretive, they make the plans for the Death Star look like a children's drawing!.
• Headline: Google's Strategy Against Apple in Search. Impact: If Google manages to keep Apple from taking over search, we might one day find ourselves living in a world where 'googling' becomes a historical term, and kids will ask, 'What does it mean to ‘search’ for something?'. Fact: You know things are serious when tech giants are playing a game of digital tug-of-war. Next up, Google vs. Apple in a reality show called 'Search Wars.'.
• Headline: Debating Penn's Leadership and Values. Impact: This debate could lead to a ripple effect where universities become battlegrounds for donor influence, eventually resulting in degrees that come with a side of corporate sponsorship. 'Congratulations, you’ve earned your Bachelor’s in Business, sponsored by Big Oil!'. Fact: Penn's future seems to hinge on donors. So if you want to influence academia, just start a GoFundMe for your favorite research project. No pressure!.
• Headline: Why the U.A.W.’s President Has Taken a Hard Line. Impact: Shawn Fain's confrontational stance could inspire a wave of aggressive union leaders, leading to a future where workers demand nap breaks and snack time as essential working conditions. Because why not?. Fact: Rumor has it, if you shout 'unionize' in a room full of auto workers, they’ll respond with a synchronized chant of 'more snacks!'.
• Headline: What’s Happening in the Bond Market?. Impact: The shifting bond market could lead to a future where everyone is an armchair economist, debating interest rates over dinner like it's the latest Netflix series. 'Did you see the bond market this week? Total cliffhanger!'. Fact: Bond markets are like the weather: always changing, often confusing, and people pretend to understand them just to sound smart at parties..