JUNE 18, 2023

Full News Archive

• Headline: DeSantis: A New Generation in Politics. Impact: DeSantis' quest for youthfulness inadvertently sparked a nationwide trend of politicians dyeing their hair and buying scooters to appeal to Gen Z. Who knew a few gray hairs could have such a cascading effect?. Fact: Did you know that age is just a number? Unless you're running for office, then it’s a full-time job to convince everyone you're one of the cool kids..
• Headline: Ingrid Lewis-Martin: Controversial City Hall Figure. Impact: Ingrid Lewis-Martin's influence could lead to a future where every city hall is run by political advisers instead of elected officials, resulting in a dystopian landscape of bureaucratic overlords. Think 'The Office' but with more power suits and less humor.. Fact: Did you know that being 'fiercely loyal' can also mean 'I’ll defend your terrible decisions like a lioness protecting her cubs'? Ethics are so last season..
• Headline: What’s Behind the Widening Divide Between New York City and Its Suburbs?. Impact: The divide between NYC and its suburbs may eventually lead to a new state called 'Suburbia,' where lawn care is the main political issue, and residents argue over who has the best backyard BBQ.. Fact: Did you know that the suburbs are just city folks who got tired of the noise and decided to invest in bigger houses and smaller communities? It's like a mass retreat but with more lawn gnomes..
• Headline: He Went After Crypto Companies. Then Someone Came After Him.. Impact: Kyle Roche's downfall might have inadvertently inspired a new wave of cryptocurrency law firms, where lawyers are now required to wear capes and speak in cryptic riddles to attract clients. 'Beware of the blockchain wizard!'. Fact: Did you know that in the world of crypto, one wrong step can turn you from a rising star to a cautionary tale faster than you can say 'decentralized finance'? It's like the wild west, but with more spreadsheets..