APRIL 16, 2023

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mobilizing Conservatives Against Transgender Rights. Impact: This campaign's backlash led to a peculiar chain reaction: suddenly, every conservative group started a 'How to be Outraged' seminar. Who knew that indignation could become a new industry?. Fact: Did you know that the same activists who mobilized against transgender rights also tried to convince people that the Moon landing was staged? Because clearly, the universe needed more conspiracy theories!.
• Headline: CoolSculpting Causes Controversy. Impact: The disfigurement cases caused a beauty revolution where people started embracing their 'imperfections'. Now, beauty influencers are all about promoting scars as 'battle wounds' from the CoolSculpting wars.. Fact: Did you know that 'CoolSculpting' was originally just a clever marketing term for 'freezing your fat off'? Apparently, nobody told the disfigured that the 'cool' in CoolSculpting had nothing to do with beauty standards!.
• Headline: Fox News Trial Over 2020 Election Lies. Impact: As Fox News faced accountability, a parallel universe emerged where all news outlets began fact-checking. In that world, people actually trusted what they read—an utterly implausible reality!. Fact: Did you know that the last time truth was upheld in a courtroom, it was declared an endangered species? It's still out there, hiding in plain sight, waiting for an effective witness protection program!.
• Headline: Google Devising Radical Search Changes to Beat Back A.I. Rivals. Impact: Google's desperate scramble to beat A.I. rivals sparked a tech race where every startup began claiming they had 'the next big thing'. Spoiler alert: most of them were just glorified calculators.. Fact: Did you know that Google's motto could soon be rephrased to 'Don't be evil, but definitely be faster'? Because who needs ethics when your algorithm can outrun morality?.