DECEMBER 8, 2022

Full News Archive

• Headline: Sam Bankman-Fried Under Investigation. Impact: If Bankman-Fried hadn't manipulated the markets, maybe the crypto bubble wouldn't have popped, leading to a world where we all still think NFTs are a good idea. Thanks a lot, Sam!. Fact: Did you know that Bankman-Fried's hair alone was once considered a volatile asset? It had more ups and downs than the crypto market itself..
• Headline: Personal Insights from Harry and Meghan's Series. Impact: This documentary series could either redefine reality TV or be the straw that breaks the camel's back, leading to the inevitable reality show about reality shows. We're all doomed.. Fact: Did you know that 'personal and raw' is just Hollywood's way of saying 'we're milking this for every dime it's worth'?.
• Headline: Gas Prices Plummet Compared to Last Year. Impact: Lower gas prices might lead to a renaissance of road trips, which could result in a spike in terrible karaoke videos on social media. Thanks, gas prices!. Fact: Did you know that low gas prices often lead to an increase in existential crises as people realize they can afford to drive to their dead-end jobs?.
• Headline: Inside the Fight to Pay Food Delivery Workers $23 an Hour. Impact: If this wage increase happens, we might see a future where delivery workers become the new elite class, and we'll all be begging them for favors. 'Please, Mr. Delivery Man, can you spare a slice of pizza?'. Fact: Did you know that the only thing faster than food delivery is the speed at which people complain about delivery fees?.
• Headline: How the Global Spyware Industry Spiraled Out of Control. Impact: With the rise of the spyware industry, we could be on the brink of a new world order where privacy is a myth and our phones know more about us than we do. Welcome to 1984, but with better Wi-Fi.. Fact: Did you know that your phone probably knows your secrets better than your best friend? Just don't expect it to keep them safe..