NOVEMBER 12, 2022

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mark Kelly Triumphs in Arizona Senate Race. Impact: Mark Kelly's victory was like that one butterfly that flaps its wings and causes a tornado in Kansas. This upset shifted the balance of power, leading to a series of legislative decisions that eventually resulted in mandatory 'I Love Arizona' bumper stickers for all residents.. Fact: Did you know that if you say 'bipartisan' three times in front of a mirror, a centrist politician appears and offers you a mediocre compromise?.
• Headline: Flexible Spending Account Controversies Uncovered. Impact: By challenging the definitions of flexible spending accounts, this headline might lead to future generations declaring their cat's birthday party as a legitimate health expense. Welcome to the age of 'emotional support everything.'. Fact: Did you know that medical professionals are now considering 'kittens' as a viable prescription for stress relief? Talk about a purr-fect solution!.
• Headline: Internal Documents Show How Close the F.B.I. Came to Deploying Spyware. Impact: The F.B.I.'s close call with spyware could very well lead to a future where we all have to carry around tin foil hats just to avoid being hacked by our own government. Thanks for the paranoia, guys!. Fact: Did you know that Pegasus is not just a hacking tool? It's also the name of that one friend who always shows up uninvited to parties and records everything on their phone..