OCTOBER 29, 2022

Full News Archive

• Headline: Silicon Valley's Economic Reality Check. Impact: Silicon Valley's realization that unicorns don't actually exist led to a mass exodus of tech entrepreneurs to more stable careers, like artisanal goat cheese making. Spoiler: it turns out that venture capitalists aren't interested in funding your cheese dreams.. Fact: Did you know that Silicon Valley's 'unbridled euphoria' could actually be contained in a single overpriced avocado toast? Ah, the price of enlightenment!.
• Headline: Biden’s Agenda at Risk of Congressional Shift. Impact: The Republican takeover of Congress marked the beginning of a legislative tug-of-war, resulting in decades of political gridlock. If only Congress had a safe word... or a timeout corner.. Fact: Did you know that in the grand scheme of politics, Biden's agenda and a unicorn both have a similar chance of materializing? At least one of them comes with a rainbow!.
• Headline: An ‘Army’ of Volunteer Sleuths Are Out Hunting for Your Stolen Car. Impact: The volunteer sleuths hunting for stolen cars initiated a grassroots movement that led to the invention of the world's first 'Car Finder' app. Unfortunately, it only directed users to the nearest coffee shop instead.. Fact: Did you know that Portland's volunteer sleuths are the only thing keeping the local police from becoming an all-‘vintage’ donut shop? Talk about a twist on community policing!.
• Headline: New Laws Force Honesty About Pay. Companies Are Catching Up.. Impact: The new laws on salary transparency triggered a wave of awkward conversations between coworkers, leading to a rise in office therapy sessions. Who knew discussing pay could be more nerve-wracking than a first date?. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more uncomfortable than discussing salaries is discussing who forgot to buy the office coffee? Priorities, people!.