OCTOBER 17, 2022

Full News Archive

• Headline: Iran's Security Forces and the Ruling System. Impact: The unwavering loyalty of Iran's Revolutionary Guards might just inspire future generations to form their own security forces—perhaps a 'Friends with Benefits' militia dedicated to protecting their Netflix accounts.. Fact: The Revolutionary Guards are so entrenched in the economy that if they were a sandwich, they’d be a 'turducken'—everything stuffed into one, but nobody really knows why..
• Headline: Republicans Surge Amid Economic Concerns. Impact: The shift of independent voters could lead to a future where the economy is an even bigger political football, and we might all be wearing jerseys of our preferred economic strategies—because who doesn't love a good game of 'whose tax plan is better?'. Fact: Polling is the modern-day equivalent of asking your friends where to eat—everyone has an opinion, but nobody can agree on the best choice..
• Headline: Fencing Can Be Six-Figure Expensive, but It Wins in College Admissions. Impact: As more students turn to niche sports like fencing for college admissions, future generations may find themselves in an academic arms race, literally fencing off their competition with swords made of diplomas.. Fact: Fencing is the only sport where you can stab someone and still be considered a gentleman—talk about a win-win!.
• Headline: Alan Rickman’s Diaries: Bread Crumbs of a Fast-Moving Life. Impact: Alan Rickman's diaries might inspire a whole new genre of literature: 'Celebrity Diaries That You Wish Were Never Published,' leading to an influx of memoirs that reveal just how boring most famous people's lives really are.. Fact: Rickman once said he could play a tree convincingly—though I suspect he preferred roles that involved a bit more dialogue..