OCTOBER 8, 2022

Full News Archive

• Headline: Revolutionizing MLB Nutrition Standards. Impact: The end of pizza and nachos at baseball games might just lead to a surge in home runs — because let’s be honest, no one can hit a ball when their fingers are greasy from nacho cheese. Expect future players to be more fit, leading to a new era of athleticism that will confuse historians trying to figure out how baseball went from hot dogs to kale salads. Fact: Fun fact: The original baseball snack was actually a hearty loaf of bread stuffed with meat — so if you miss the hot dogs, just imagine the players trying to swing while holding a giant meat sandwich. Talk about a 'bunt'!.
• Headline: As New York’s Fear of Crime Grows, a Neighborhood Lives With Its Reality. Impact: As fear of crime grows, neighborhoods might just start investing in their own private security forces. In 40 years, we could see the rise of neighborhood watch groups that rival the Avengers — all while still arguing over who left the trash cans out on the wrong night. Fact: Did you know that crime rates tend to spike during certain months, like when the new iPhone is released? Because apparently the thrill of getting the latest gadget is just too much for some people to resist!.
• Headline: 4 Weeks Out, Senate Control Hangs in the Balance in Tumultuous Midterms. Impact: If the midterm elections end with a shocking outcome, expect historians in the future to look back and scratch their heads, wondering how a nation could swing from political chaos to chaotic political swings faster than you can say 'bipartisan agreement.'. Fact: Here's a fun tidbit: Midterms are like those awkward family gatherings where everyone pretends to get along for a few hours before the real arguments start. And just like those gatherings, the results are usually best kept to yourself!.