SEPTEMBER 27, 2022

Full News Archive

• Headline: Innovating Apples: The Future of Fruit. Impact: If only they knew that the new apple variety would lead to a global obsession with apple-flavored everything, including a fruit-flavored coffee that no one asked for. Welcome to the age of the 'Caramel Macchiato Apple.'. Fact: Did you know that apples float in water? Probably because they’re just trying to escape the endless stream of fruit-related puns..
• Headline: New H.I.V. Injection Raises Access Concerns. Impact: The uncertain access to this new HIV vaccine might lead to a 'vaccine tourism' boom, where people fly in just to get a shot, creating a whole new travel industry. Bon voyage, health insurance!. Fact: Did you know that HIV was first identified in the early 1980s? Talk about taking your sweet time with the vaccine—maybe they were too busy perfecting the flavor of that apple..
• Headline: New Hope for Europe’s Energy Supply. Impact: If this deal goes through, it could spark a new era of 'energy diplomacy' where countries barter natural gas for avocado toast. Who knew gas could be so hipster?. Fact: Did you know that the Mediterranean has been a hotspot for energy disputes? Just when you thought it was only known for sunsets and overpriced beach umbrellas..
• Headline: The Last, Painful Days of Anthony Bourdain. Impact: Bourdain's story, cloaked in controversy, leads to a posthumous renaissance of travel shows, where hosts feel the need to outdo his legacy by eating increasingly bizarre foods—hello, fried tarantula.. Fact: Did you know that Anthony Bourdain's first job in the culinary world was washing dishes? Imagine if he had just stuck with that—no pressure, right?.
• Headline: Jails Boss Urged Man’s Release in Apparent Bid to Limit Rikers Death Toll. Impact: This could mark the beginning of a new trend in prison management: 'How to avoid death counts by creative accounting.' Who knew 'keeping the numbers down' could become a prison motto?. Fact: Did you know that Rikers Island is often referred to as a 'hellhole'? At this rate, it might just become a theme park—'Rikers: The Ride of Your Life!'.