JULY 27, 2022

Full News Archive

• Headline: Federal Probe into Trump and January 6. Impact: The Justice Department's probe into Trump's escapades led to a string of conspiracy theories that made the internet a wilder place. Somewhere in 2060, a reality show emerges where contestants must convince a jury they did not, in fact, storm the Capitol. Spoiler alert: they all lose.. Fact: Did you know that asking witnesses about their knowledge of events can sometimes lead to, you know, actually finding out the truth? Revolutionary idea!.
• Headline: Biden Stands Firm on Economic Stability. Impact: Biden's insistence on avoiding the 'R' word created a ripple effect, sparking a new trend in political doublespeak. By 2025, politicians will be using interpretive dance to describe economic conditions. Talk about a new form of theater!. Fact: Fun fact: Avoiding the word 'recession' is like saying 'I'm not lost, just taking the scenic route.' Spoiler: you're still lost..
• Headline: Germany Turns to LNG Amid Gas Crisis. Impact: Germany's pivot to liquefied natural gas could spark a new green energy revolution—or lead to a bizarre new reality show where contestants must survive a winter solely on chilled gas. Either way, it's bound to be entertaining!. Fact: Did you know that natural gas can come in a liquid form? No? Well, welcome to the 21st century, where we liquefy everything, including our hopes for energy independence..
• Headline: How Bacon and Costco Fish Shape America’s View of Inflation. Impact: The bacon and fish inflation saga led to a nationwide obsession with price tags, resulting in a 2030 trend where Americans start hoarding bacon-flavored everything, inadvertently creating the Great Bacon Crisis of '35.. Fact: Did you know that bacon is referred to as 'the gateway meat'? It’s true; get enough of it, and suddenly you're contemplating the economics of artisan fish!.
• Headline: The Life and Death of Daniel Auster, a Son of Literary Brooklyn. Impact: Daniel Auster's tragic life story echoes through the literary world, inspiring countless authors to write about addiction and loss, resulting in a new genre: 'Painful Memoirs of Literary Lineage'. It's a hit—if by 'hit' you mean deeply depressing.. Fact: Did you know that many famous authors have struggled with addiction? It's almost like the literary world has a dark side—who knew?.