JULY 22, 2022

Full News Archive

• Headline: Trump's Inaction During Capitol Riot. Impact: As Trump chose to ignore the chaos, a series of future leaders learned that sometimes doing absolutely nothing is an effective strategy for political survival. This led to an uptick in the popularity of 'strategic inaction' as a campaign tactic, spawning a new generation of politicians who excel at photo ops and nothingness.. Fact: Did you know that while the Capitol was under siege, a lot of legislators were just trying to figure out where to hide their snack supplies? Priorities, am I right?.
• Headline: Rediscovering the Conversation Pit. Impact: The revival of conversation pits resulted in a sudden spike in awkward small talk, leading to the invention of 'small talk insurance' – a service that provides coverage for prolonged silences and uncomfortable conversations.. Fact: Fun fact: Conversation pits originally became popular in the 1970s, a decade where people thought disco balls and polyester jumpsuits were a good idea. Clearly, we’ve learned nothing..
• Headline: Republican Attacks on LGBTQ Rights Intensify. Impact: This escalation in anti-LGBTQ+ rhetoric created a paradox where, ironically, the more they attacked, the stronger the LGBTQ+ community became, leading to a new wave of activism that forever altered the landscape of civil rights in America. Who knew hate could be such a great motivator?. Fact: Did you know that in 1970, the 'first Pride' was a protest against police brutality? Fast forward to today, and it seems some groups are still more focused on policing others than celebrating love. Progress!.
• Headline: Germany bails out Uniper, a crucial gas provider squeezed by Russia.. Impact: Germany's intervention in Uniper's crisis set off a chain reaction across Europe, leading to a renaissance in energy independence efforts. This ultimately resulted in a trend of countries forming secret alliances over who could hoard the most solar panels.. Fact: Did you know that bailing out companies is basically like giving them a 'get out of jail free' card? Except in this case, the jail is just a really cold winter without heat..