JULY 17, 2022

Full News Archive

• Headline: Grand Forks Embraces Controversial Corn Mill. Impact: If it weren't for the corn mill in Grand Forks, we might have avoided a future where corn becomes the new cryptocurrency. The backlash against its Chinese owners could lead to a corn-fueled diplomatic incident, resulting in a global shortage of popcorn for movie nights. Imagine that chaos!. Fact: Did you know that corn was once considered a luxury item in Europe? Now it's just another ingredient in your frozen pizza. Progress, am I right?.
• Headline: New Museum for Recovered Treasures in Rome. Impact: This new museum may lead to an international treasure hunt where countries begin to 'borrow' artifacts from each other in a misguided attempt to reclaim their heritage. Before you know it, every tourist will be trying to sneak out a piece of history in their luggage!. Fact: Did you know that many museums still have artifacts that were just 'borrowed'—like your friend's favorite shirt? Only, in this case, the stakes are a bit higher than a simple wardrobe malfunction..
• Headline: Netflix's Ambitious Move with 'The Gray Man'. Impact: The success of 'The Gray Man' could spark a trend where Netflix starts greenlighting movies based solely on how many times the word 'epic' is mentioned in the pitch. Get ready for 'Epic: The Epic Saga of Epicness' to hit your screens!. Fact: Did you know that Netflix has more subscribers than the population of the UK? That's right, they could probably start their own nation, and it would be filled with binge-watchers and snack enthusiasts..
• Headline: As the Planet Cooks, Climate Stalls as a Political Issue. Impact: Manchin's climate bill rejection could lead to a future where 'climate change' becomes a trendy new conspiracy theory, with people claiming it's simply a plot by the sun to increase its real estate value. Who knew solar flares were so ambitious?. Fact: Did you know that the average person is more likely to believe in aliens than to take action on climate change? Maybe we should start marketing solar panels as 'alien technology.'.
• Headline: A Crop of New Novels About Race and Racism Finds Freedom in Satire. Impact: The rise of novels that tackle racism with satire could inadvertently lead to a new genre where authors are forced to compete for the most absurd ways to discuss serious topics. Expect a bestseller about a talking raccoon trying to navigate identity politics any day now!. Fact: Did you know that humor is often considered a coping mechanism? So essentially, these authors are just trying to make sense of the world while keeping their sanity intact—one joke at a time!.