JUNE 3, 2022

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Rise of Greedflation. Impact: If greedflation were a person, it would be the one who shows up to a potluck empty-handed but demands the best dish. This event led to countless debates, with every economist suddenly becoming a social media influencer, claiming they invented inflation theories. Who knew a couple of monopolies could rewrite the rules of economics and make everyone rethink their shopping habits?. Fact: Did you know that ‘Greedflation’ is not a term used in economics classes? It’s more of a term used in the break room when someone takes the last donut and blames inflation..
• Headline: Job Growth Despite Economic Challenges. Impact: This strong hiring trend is like a kid in a candy store—everyone's having a great time until the dentist shows up with a bill. Little did they know that this 'strong hiring' would eventually lead to a generation of overworked employees desperately Googling 'How to survive a recession while juggling three jobs.'. Fact: Did you know that back in the day, people thought finding a job was as easy as finding a penny on the street? Spoiler alert: it’s not..
• Headline: Mark Rylance Discusses 'Jerusalem' and 'Phantom of the Open'. Impact: Mark Rylance’s move from stage to screen has set off a ripple effect that will lead to future actors prioritizing their 'serious' roles over comedies, ultimately resulting in a world where laughter is banned and everyone is just very, very earnest. Thank you, Mark.. Fact: Did you know that if you say ‘Mark Rylance’ three times in a mirror, an acclaimed thesbian appears to discuss Shakespeare? Well, not really, but wouldn’t that be something?.
• Headline: For Joel Kim Booster, Making ‘Fire Island’ Was a Real Trip. Impact: By making a romantic comedy centered on gay Asian American men, Joel Kim Booster has inadvertently set off a chain reaction where every Hollywood executive suddenly thinks they need to diversify their scripts, leading to a future where we have 50 shades of niche films. Coming soon: ‘The Return of the Quirky Rom-Com!’. Fact: Did you know that ‘Fire Island’ was almost called ‘Fire Sale’ but they realized that sounded like a liquidation event?.
• Headline: Before Jan. 6, Aide Warned Secret Service of Security Risk to Pence. Impact: This warning about security risks has set off a series of events leading to every politician now hiring their own personal security detail that resembles a small army. It’s a world where vice presidents have bodyguards who have bodyguards, and no one remembers what the original job description was.. Fact: Did you know that the Secret Service was originally created to combat counterfeit currency? Now they’re just trying to keep politicians safe from each other. Progress!.