APRIL 16, 2022

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Hidden Toll of Drone Warfare. Impact: If Capt. Larson hadn't fled to the wilderness, he might have started a drone pilot commune where they only delivered avocado toast and organic kale. The ensuing hipster revolution would have changed the course of American brunch forever.. Fact: Drone pilots are often referred to as 'remote warriors'—but instead of fighting in jungles, they’re mostly just fighting over the last gluten-free muffin at the café..
• Headline: New York's Resilience in Face of Adversity. Impact: This subway attack could lead New Yorkers to invest in personal force fields instead of subway passes. In 50 years, we might all be commuting in bubble-wrap-like safety suits.. Fact: New Yorkers are so resilient, they could probably survive a meteor strike with nothing but a slice of pizza and a sturdy pair of Timbs..
• Headline: One Tenant Blocks $70 Million Condo Project. Impact: Ahmet’s refusal to leave could inspire a whole movement of stubborn tenants. Soon, cities might be overrun by people barricading themselves in overpriced apartments, leading to a new reality show: 'Survivor: Condo Edition.'. Fact: Real estate agents are secretly training for a future where they negotiate with tenants in a post-apocalyptic world—who knew that 'squatter rights' could become a hot new trend?.
• Headline: Some Care Workers Are Seeing a Bump in Pay. They’re Working to Make It Last.. Impact: If care workers succeed in their fight for better pay, we might see a world where they become the new aristocracy—ruling with compassion and the occasional homemade casserole.. Fact: Care workers often have superhuman patience levels—like, they could probably listen to your complaints about gluten-free diets for a whole week without losing their minds..
• Headline: From Her First $100K to 3 Million Followers. Impact: Tori’s rise could spark a financial literacy movement among millennials, leading to a world where everyone is a finfluencer, and stock tips are traded like Pokémon cards.. Fact: The only thing scarier than investing your money is asking your parents for financial advice—it's like asking a cat to explain quantum physics..