APRIL 15, 2022

Full News Archive

• Headline: Cyrano de Bergerac: A Wordsmith's Redemption. Impact: If Cyrano had just stuck to texting, perhaps he could have saved his nose and avoided a lifetime of unrequited love. Imagine a world where romantic gestures are all emojis and no one ever gets stabbed in the heart by a sword... or a word.. Fact: Did you know that the original Cyrano had a nose so big it could practically double as a satellite dish for picking up radio signals? Talk about a multitasker!.
• Headline: Revival of Mamet's 'American Buffalo'. Impact: After this play, the phrase 'American Buffalo' is now synonymous with 'how to grift your way through life'—a guiding star for future entrepreneurs of questionable ethics. Just think of the business schools that will adopt it as their motto: 'Fake it till you make it!'. Fact: Fun fact: The term 'grift' is believed to come from the old-timey carnival days when folks would 'grift' you out of your money faster than you can say 'sucker born every minute.'.
• Headline: Isolation of Russian Ballet Amidst Conflict. Impact: As ballet fell out of favor in Russia, its dancers were mysteriously whisked away to perform in underground clubs, giving rise to an entirely new genre called 'Ballet Noir.' Who knew pirouettes could be so edgy?. Fact: Ballet has been around for centuries, but it seems that now the only thing more flexible than the dancers is the political situation in Russia. Who needs a stage when you have a geopolitical crisis?.
• Headline: Fuel Prices Send Airfares Higher, but Travelers Seem Ready to Pay. Impact: As airfares rise, the rich will fly higher, while the rest of us will be mastering the art of 'staycation.' This will inevitably lead to a renaissance of backyard camping and a generation of kids who think 'glamping' is a valid lifestyle.. Fact: Did you know that in the 70s, the average airfare was about $20? Now, it's like buying a small island. But hey, who needs a vacation when you can just sit in your car at a gas station watching the prices rise?.
• Headline: Cities Try to Turn the Tide on Police Traffic Stops. Impact: Reevaluating traffic stops will lead to a nationwide trend of drivers practicing their best 'please don't ticket me' faces, eventually evolving into an Olympic sport. Gold medals will be awarded for the most pitiful puppy eyes.. Fact: Fun fact: The phrase 'minor traffic stop' is a euphemism for 'potentially life-altering encounter.' Because nothing says 'fun road trip' like the anxiety of getting pulled over!.