MARCH 14, 2022

Full News Archive

• Headline: Impact of Oil Prices on California Plastics. Impact: If only the California plastic container business had invested in renewable energy back in the day, maybe they could have avoided this oily mess! But instead, they decided to ride the inflation wave, which led to a whole generation of reusable containers that cost more than a small yacht.. Fact: Did you know that plastic containers were originally marketed as a solution to save the environment? Irony at its finest, folks..
• Headline: Tragic Fate of Migrants at Northern Border. Impact: This tragic crossing may have inadvertently sparked a worldwide movement for better migrant protection policies. But let's be real, it probably just led to more walls being built. Because who needs empathy when you have bricks?. Fact: The northern border is so cold that even the idea of crossing it can give you frostbite. It’s almost like Mother Nature is saying, 'Stay put, folks.'.
• Headline: Apple iPhone SE Review: A Phone for the Anti-Consumer. Impact: The iPhone SE could become the poster child for anti-consumerism, leading future generations to rebel against overpriced gadgets. This could spark a new trend of people using flip phones again—because nostalgia is cheaper than therapy!. Fact: The term 'anti-consumer' is just a fancy way of saying 'we’re giving you what you need, not what you want.' How refreshing!.
• Headline: Powell Admires Paul Volcker. He May Have to Act Like Him.. Impact: If Powell channels Volcker, we might see a financial upheaval that leads to a return to the gold standard. Get ready for a new wave of gold rushes—because apparently, shiny rocks are still a thing!. Fact: Volcker was known for raising interest rates to curb inflation. If only he had known that people would still complain about their credit card bills decades later!.