MARCH 8, 2022

Full News Archive

• Headline: Oscar Luncheon: Glamour Meets Controversy. Impact: The Oscar Luncheon brings together nominees who, after a gluten-free meal, decide to make an anti-gluten documentary that becomes a cultural phenomenon. This leads to a world where bread is outlawed and hipsters rule entertainment. Who knew gluten could bring about the apocalypse?. Fact: Did you know that the Oscar nominees luncheon is basically a glorified high school reunion for rich people? Complete with awkward small talk and the ever-present threat of being 'that one guy who didn't get nominated.'.
• Headline: Surge in Gas Prices: Consumer Impact. Impact: Rising gas prices spark a movement where drivers start carpooling in a bid to save money. This leads to a renaissance of shared playlists and awkward silences, ultimately resulting in the first-ever carpool karaoke championship. Sorry, not sorry.. Fact: Did you know that gas prices fluctuate more than a teenager's mood? One moment you're feeling good about your life choices, and the next you're crying into your steering wheel over a $5 gallon..
• Headline: The Future Turns Dark for Russia’s Oil Industry. Impact: The downfall of Russia's oil industry creates a black market for oil derivatives, leading to a rise in 'alternative fuels' made from leftover pizza grease. Who knew that a slice of pepperoni could fuel the next generation of cars?. Fact: Did you know that oil is often referred to as 'black gold'? Which makes you wonder, what do we call pizza grease? The 'golden crust'? Maybe we should start investing..
• Headline: Once Obscured in the U.S., Lao Cooks Share and Celebrate Their Cuisine. Impact: As Lao cuisine gains popularity, it leads to an international culinary showdown where chefs compete to make the best sticky rice. This ultimately results in a global shortage of sticky rice, causing an unprecedented diplomatic crisis over who gets the last grain.. Fact: Did you know that Lao cuisine is so good that it could probably broker peace? I mean, who can argue when you have a plate of deliciousness in front of you? It's like an edible treaty..