DECEMBER 22, 2021

Full News Archive

• Headline: China's Dominance in Electric Car Batteries. Impact: If only CATL hadn't dominated the battery market, we might still be driving around in cars fueled by good intentions and wishful thinking. Future historians will argue whether we should blame their success for the rise of electric scooters and the subsequent scooter traffic jams that led to the Great Urban Gridlock of 2045.. Fact: CATL stands for Contemporary Amperex Technology Co. Limited. But let’s be honest, it might as well stand for 'Can't Anyone Think Logically?' considering the lengths they went to dominate the market..
• Headline: Carrie-Anne Moss Reflects on Trinity's Legacy. Impact: Carrie-Anne Moss's return as Trinity could spark a renaissance of 50-something action heroes, leading to an era where grandpas are doing parkour and grannies are saving the world. Get ready for the 'Golden Age of Action Seniors'—because who needs youthful agility when you have experience?. Fact: Carrie-Anne Moss was born in 1973, which means she was already a fully formed adult by the time the first 'Matrix' movie came out. How’s that for breaking the mold?.
• Headline: The F.B.I. Deployed Surveillance Teams Inside Portland Protests. Impact: The FBI's infiltration of protests could lead to an increase in conspiracy theories about government surveillance, making future generations suspicious of any person wearing sunglasses and a hoodie. Little do they know, it’s just the fashion choice of the season.. Fact: The term 'infiltration' sounds way more intense than 'just keeping an eye on things.' Maybe the FBI should consider rebranding to 'Neighborhood Watch' for a more positive image..
• Headline: At a Paris Market, Costs Rise, Even for the Humble Baguette. Impact: As baguette prices rise, it could spark a global crisis where people resort to baking their own bread—leading to a flour shortage and the rise of underground bread clubs. Future historians may refer to it as the 'Great Baguette Rebellion.'. Fact: The baguette, a symbol of French culture, has been around since at least the 19th century. So, if inflation continues, we might witness the first-ever baguette revolution since the French Revolution. Bon appétit!.