DECEMBER 15, 2021

Full News Archive

• Headline: First Female Leader of NYPD Appointed. Impact: By appointing Keechant Sewell as the first woman to lead the N.Y.P.D., a butterfly flapped its wings, causing a ripple effect that will eventually lead to a future where law enforcement is entirely run by cats. Yes, you heard that right. Cat cops, solving crimes with their irresistible cuteness!. Fact: Did you know that the first police force in the U.S. was formed in Boston in 1838? They had to deal with crime, but at least they didn’t have to worry about being the first woman in charge!.
• Headline: The Exoneration of Anthony Broadwater. Impact: The unraveling of Anthony Broadwater's case sends shockwaves through the legal system, potentially leading to a future where trial transcripts are reviewed more carefully—if only to avoid making lawyers feel like they have to dig through a dumpster fire of evidence.. Fact: Alice Sebold's memoir 'Lucky' was a bestseller that drew attention to her own trauma, but who would have thought it would also lead to a real-life courtroom drama that sounds like it belongs on an episode of 'Law & Order'?.
• Headline: Changing Perspectives on Unemployment. Impact: The pandemic changed the job market so much that it might lead to a future where being jobless is seen as a badge of honor—like a modern-day Scarlet Letter, but instead of 'A' for adultery, it's 'U' for unemployed. Trendy!. Fact: Unemployment rates have been used to gauge economic health for ages, but now they might as well just ask how many people are binge-watching Netflix instead of working!.
• Headline: With ‘Gunfight,’ an Insider Takes On a Community That Was Once His Own. Impact: Ryan Busse's insights on the firearm industry might spark a future where guns are replaced with nerf blasters in community disputes, leading to a peaceful resolution via foam darts instead of bullets. Just imagine the annual Nerf Olympics!. Fact: The firearm industry has been around since the invention of gunpowder, but it took a former insider to realize that the culture could use a little less bang and a little more 'let's talk this out over coffee.'.
• Headline: Republicans Who Assailed Biden’s Stimulus Bill Are Embracing the Money. Impact: Republicans embracing the stimulus money may lead to a timeline where all political debates are settled by who can throw the most cash around. Welcome to the future: 'The Great Fiscal Games!'. Fact: Politicians changing their minds is as common as, well, politicians breathing. Just remember: money talks, and in this case, it says, 'We’re not as principled as we pretend to be!'.