NOVEMBER 12, 2021

Full News Archive

• Headline: Volatile Border Standoff Between Belarus and Poland. Impact: The border standoff created a ripple effect that led to a new international law requiring all nations to play nice. Unfortunately, this only lasted until the next football tournament, when nationalism came back with a vengeance.. Fact: Humanitarian disaster? More like a humanitarian 'let's-all-pretend-this-isn't-happening' party. Spoiler: the guest list is only getting longer..
• Headline: Ocasio-Cortez's Vote Sparks Local Debate. Impact: Ocasio-Cortez’s stand against the infrastructure bill triggered a nationwide trend of politicians suddenly caring about public transport. By 2025, cities were filled with shiny new subway systems... which quickly became the preferred place for spontaneous poetry slams.. Fact: Fun Fact: AOC once debated a traffic cone over infrastructure improvements. The cone was surprisingly articulate but ultimately failed to sway public opinion..
• Headline: 275 Minutes on Hold: Why Airline Customer Service Still Can’t Keep Up. Impact: The prolonged wait times on airline customer service led to the rise of a new profession: 'Hold Music Specialists'. By 2040, they were the most sought-after DJs at parties, spinning the greatest hits of elevator music.. Fact: Did you know that the average person spends 275 minutes on hold, which is 275 minutes too long to remember why they even called in the first place?.
• Headline: Now TV Wants Nielsen to Measure Up. Impact: Nielsen’s struggles prompted a revolution in viewer measurement, leading to people actually having to talk to each other about what they watch. By 2028, the phrase 'Did you see that show?' was replaced by awkward silences.. Fact: And here’s a fun fact: Nielsen’s ratings were once so accurate that they were used as a weather forecasting tool—because who wouldn’t want to know what’s trending in rain?.