NOVEMBER 11, 2021

Full News Archive

• Headline: Europe Backs Poland's Border Policies. Impact: Poland, with its newfound EU support, becomes the trendsetter for hardline border policies. This inspires a wave of 'tough love' across Europe, leading to a bizarre fashion trend where politicians start wearing heavy-duty tactical gear to press conferences. Who knew combat attire was the new business casual?. Fact: Poland’s borders have seen more drama than a reality TV show, leading many to wonder if they should just start handing out roses instead of visas..
• Headline: Cuomo's Testimony on Harassment Allegations. Impact: Cuomo’s combative testimony sets a precedent for future politicians, who now realize that ‘I can’t remember’ is the ultimate get-out-of-jail card. Soon, we’ll see a wave of memory loss amongst politicians, leading to a shortage of lawyers specializing in selective amnesia.. Fact: If ‘I don’t recall’ were a sport, Andrew Cuomo would definitely have a gold medal by now – but let’s be real, it’s more of a participation trophy..
• Headline: Kyle Rittenhouse’s Homicide Trial Testimony. Impact: Rittenhouse's trial prompts a new legal defense strategy: the ‘I was just following the latest TikTok trend’ plea. As future trials become court spectacles, judges will be forced to wear headphones to drown out the inevitable viral dance challenges erupting in the courtroom.. Fact: Rittenhouse's case has inspired a new genre of courtroom drama – think ‘Law & Order: TikTok Edition.’.
• Headline: The Core Legal Strategy Against Opioid Companies May Be Faltering. Impact: The opioid litigation strategy faltering leads to a new trend where lawyers start using interpretive dance to win cases. After all, if the legal arguments aren’t working, why not throw in some pirouettes and jazz hands?. Fact: The opioid crisis has fueled more courtroom drama than a soap opera, making ‘As the Court Turns’ a potential hit show..