OCTOBER 3, 2021

Full News Archive

• Headline: Controversial Compensation in Homeless Shelters. Impact: If you think paying a million bucks for the privilege of running shelters with a dubious history was a bad idea, just wait until the next executive decides to charge extra for the 'privilege' of being homeless. Welcome to the future!. Fact: Nonprofit executives are just like superheroes, except instead of capes, they wear suits and instead of fighting crime, they profit off of it. Who knew charity could be so lucrative?.
• Headline: Rethinking Urban Transportation Solutions. Impact: Cities electrifying mass transit will eventually lead to everyone riding around in silent, self-driving busses, and we’ll all have to relearn how to shout at each other because our voices will be the loudest thing on the streets.. Fact: Turns out, the real solution to climate change was just to zap everything with electricity. Who needs sustainable practices when you can just plug it in?.
• Headline: Supreme Court's Pivotal Term Ahead. Impact: The Supreme Court's decisions will echo through time, shaping laws and societal norms like a game of Jenga where every piece is a fundamental right. One wrong move, and it all comes crashing down.. Fact: Fun fact: 'Blockbuster Term' is just code for 'let's watch the fabric of society unravel together!' Who needs Netflix when you have the Supreme Court?.
• Headline: In Alaska’s Covid Crisis, Doctors Must Decide Who Lives and Who Dies. Impact: In a future where doctors are forced to play God, the repercussions of choosing who lives and who dies could lead to a society where only the most resourceful survive, reminiscent of a really grim reality show.. Fact: Deciding who lives in a crisis is really just a long way of saying, 'Welcome to the Hunger Games, but with more medical degrees and less archery.'.