SEPTEMBER 22, 2021

Full News Archive

• Headline: Delays in Care: Impact on Non-Covid Patients. Impact: If only hospitals had a time machine to prioritize patients based on how much they sob in public. The ripple effect of delayed care led to an underground black market for emotional support puppies and a rise in TikTok therapy sessions. Who knew crying could be a business model?. Fact: Did you know that the emotional support animal industry exploded during the pandemic? Apparently, a pup’s comforting gaze is more effective than a phone call with a long-lost friend..
• Headline: DNA Evidence Links Suspect to Art Heist. Impact: The DNA evidence that caught the thief could lead to a new trend in art thefts, where criminals start leaving behind their DNA like a calling card. Imagine future heists turning into bizarre scavenger hunts for art lovers!. Fact: Fun fact: Vincent van Gogh famously cut off his own ear, but who knew his art would later inspire a whole new generation of people to cut corners… and frames?.
• Headline: Chinese Economy's Warning Signs Amid Evergrande. Impact: Evergrande's troubles are like the world’s most boring domino effect. If they fall, countries might need to rethink their real estate bubble strategies—leading to a renaissance of tiny homes or, worse, a resurgence of 90s sitcoms about living in them.. Fact: Did you know that China’s economy has grown so fast that it’s like a teenager who just discovered caffeine? Now it’s crashing and burning like that same teenager after an all-nighter!.
• Headline: What Will It Take for Electric Vehicles to Create Jobs, Not Cut Them?. Impact: The electric vehicle industry could create jobs—if only they could find a way to charge for them without cutting existing ones. This could lead to a future where we have job fairs in charging stations, complete with free snacks and awkward small talk.. Fact: Did you know that the average electric car has about 200 fewer moving parts than a traditional gas car? That’s 200 fewer things to break, and 200 more ways for your mechanic to look at you funny!.
• Headline: ‘How Long Gone’ Is in It for the Long Haul. Impact: The podcast that started as a pandemic pastime may lead to a surge in DIY friendship-building exercises. Soon, everyone will be hosting ‘friendship podcasts’ to replace actual social skills. Get ready for the rise of awkward, one-sided conversations!. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'How Long Gone' could also describe the number of friends you lose after attempting to initiate a group text? Spoiler: It’s a lot..