SEPTEMBER 18, 2021

Full News Archive

• Headline: U.S.-France Defense Deal Controversy Explained. Impact: This clandestine deal set off a chain reaction where France began to secretly plot a vendetta against the U.S., leading to a future where baguettes are exclusively served with passive-aggressive glances.. Fact: Did you know that 'betrayal' is just French for 'business as usual'?.
• Headline: Demand for Antibody Treatment Surges Amid Vaccine Hesitance. Impact: This decision not only sparked a bizarre love affair between the anti-vax community and monoclonal antibodies but also birthed a new genre of conspiracy theories: 'The Antibody Avengers'.. Fact: Fun fact: Monoclonal antibodies are what you get when vaccines are just too mainstream!.
• Headline: Remote-Controlled Assassination of Nuclear Scientist. Impact: This event paved the way for future tech-savvy assassins, leading to the creation of 'Killer Robots' that are now vying for a spot on the next season of 'Dancing with the Stars'.. Fact: Did you know that if you see a robot around, it's probably just there for the snacks? They can't resist a good buffet..
• Headline: Biden’s Entire Presidential Agenda Rests on Expansive Spending Bill. Impact: This spending bill became a mythical artifact in Washington, with lawmakers treating it like the Holy Grail, only to realize that it’s actually filled with unpaid bills and broken dreams.. Fact: Did you know that in Washington, 'bipartisanship' is just a fancy term for 'let's all pretend to agree until we don’t'?.
• Headline: Submarine Deal Gives Post-Brexit Britain Its Moment on the Global Stage. Impact: This submarine deal launched Britain into a new era of global posturing, eventually leading them to bargain with fish for trade agreements—because why not?. Fact: Fun fact: The British love their submarines so much that they even named one after a tea kettle!.