SEPTEMBER 8, 2021

Full News Archive

• Headline: N.Y.P.D.'s Post-9/11 Tactics on City Streets. Impact: The N.Y.P.D.'s use of counterterrorism tools on everyday citizens led to a sudden rise in people wearing camouflage and carrying pocket knives, as they prepared for the 'Great Street Crime Defense'. Who knew that the best way to combat crime would be to turn the city into a dystopian video game?. Fact: Did you know that with the NYPD using counterterrorism tactics for street crime, you can now get a ticket for looking suspicious while walking your dog? Exciting times!.
• Headline: The Changing Legacy of ‘The Contender’. Impact: The cringe-inducing legacy of ‘The Contender’ created a new genre of films that accidentally made feminism look like an awkward high school play, paving the way for a future where feminist films are judged on their cringe factor rather than their content. Thanks, Hollywood!. Fact: Did you know that 'cringe factory' is now a legitimate term in film studies? It’s like a real-life version of 'The Office' but with more awkward silences..
• Headline: How Educational Differences Are Widening America’s Political Rift. Impact: The educational divide set off a political chain reaction that will eventually lead to a reality TV show where college graduates debate non-college graduates on who can correctly pronounce 'quinoa.' Spoiler: It gets messy.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'I graduated from the school of hard knocks' is now officially a valid alternative to a college degree? Welcome to the new job market!.
• Headline: Plant-Based Foods Expand, With Consumers Hungry for More. Impact: The rise of plant-based foods sparked a bizarre trend where people started identifying as 'herbivores' and demanded rights for vegetables, leading to the first-ever 'Carrot Parade.' The roots of this movement run deep!. Fact: Did you know that 'plant-based' is the new 'gluten-free'? It's the culinary equivalent of wearing skinny jeans to prove you're 'in shape'!.