SEPTEMBER 7, 2021

Full News Archive

• Headline: Andrea Constand: A Symbol of Hope. Impact: In the grand tapestry of time, Andrea Constand’s memoir will inspire future generations of individuals to stand against injustice, leading to an unexpected uptick in self-published books and a parallel universe where everyone is a memoirist. Hope has never been so marketable.. Fact: Did you know that Bill Cosby once said he wanted to be a 'role model'? Too bad he didn’t get the memo on what that actually means..
• Headline: Classroom Tensions Amid Mask Mandates. Impact: The rise of the Masked Professor phenomenon leads to a new era of educational fashion, where students start wearing masks as a form of rebellion. Eventually, this ignites a global trend of classroom catwalks, forever altering the landscape of education.. Fact: Did you know that some professors are now considering wearing superhero capes to class? Because clearly, they need all the help they can get..
• Headline: Xi Urges Tycoons to Promote Common Prosperity. Impact: Xi’s call to redistribute wealth will inadvertently lead to a global 'Share Your Wealth' day, where billionaires around the world awkwardly pass around their fortunes like a bad game of hot potato. Unbeknownst to them, a new era of awkward philanthropy begins.. Fact: Did you know that 'common prosperity' is just a euphemism for 'let's pretend we care about the little guy while we continue to hoard wealth'?.
• Headline: Sally Rooney’s Novel of Letters Puts a Fresh Spin on Familiar Questions. Impact: Sally Rooney’s novel inspires a generation of writers to explore existential questions, leading to a literary boom where every book is a navel-gazing exploration of the human condition. The world becomes flooded with titles like 'What Is Life, Anyway?' and 'Fame? Never Heard of It.'. Fact: Did you know that asking 'where are you?' in a novel has become the new 'how are you?' in real life? Because apparently, we’re all just wandering around in search of a plot..