SEPTEMBER 5, 2021

Full News Archive

• Headline: Crypto's Surge Disrupts Traditional Banking. Impact: The surge in crypto banking led to a mass exodus of financial advisors from traditional banks, who eventually became life coaches for millennials trying to 'find themselves' in a world dominated by NFTs and Dogecoin.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'We're just trying to keep up' has become the official motto of every regulatory body since cryptocurrency was invented?.
• Headline: S.A. Cosby's Rise in Southern Noir. Impact: S.A. Cosby's rise to fame inspired a new genre of self-help books titled 'How to Write Your Pain and Profit,' which ironically led to a spike in therapy sessions across the nation.. Fact: Fun fact: Writing about violence in the South is apparently more therapeutic than actually dealing with it..
• Headline: Understanding 9/11: Day or Era?. Impact: The debate over whether 9/11 is a day or an era sparked a new academic field known as 'Temporal Politics,' which studies how people argue over the significance of dates—because clearly we need more confusion in history.. Fact: Who knew that a day could be so contentious? At this rate, I expect a future headline asking if 4th of July is a holiday or just a barbecue?.
• Headline: Covid Deaths Surge Across a Weary America as a Once-Hopeful Summer Ends. Impact: The Delta variant's resurgence led to an unexpected boom in the delivery pizza industry, as homebound Americans rediscovered the joy of eating while binge-watching disaster documentaries.. Fact: Did you know that pizza delivery drivers became the unsung heroes of the pandemic? Forget superheroes; they just needed a mask and a hot pie!.
• Headline: ‘Everyone Is on the List’: Fear Grips Nicaragua as It Veers to Dictatorship. Impact: The political tightening in Nicaragua not only made headlines but also inspired a popular new reality show called 'Who's Next?' where contestants had to guess who would be arrested next—spoiler alert: it wasn't very entertaining.. Fact: In Nicaragua, the phrase 'Everyone is on the list' is less about exclusivity and more about how every dinner conversation could turn into a game of 'Who's getting canceled next?'.