AUGUST 29, 2021

Full News Archive

• Headline: Medicare Dental Coverage Proposal Advances. Impact: If Medicare starts covering dental care, who knows? The next thing you know, people will be demanding coverage for emotional support alpacas! Just wait until Congress catches wind of the emotional benefits of a pet rock.. Fact: Did you know that the average American spends more on dental care than on their college education? No wonder they want Medicare to get in on the action. Education? Who needs it when you can have a perfect smile?.
• Headline: Taliban's Promised Amnesty Under Scrutiny. Impact: As the Taliban tightens its grip, it could lead to a future where the world debates whether the phrase 'it could be worse' applies to nations under oppressive regimes. Spoiler alert: it always can be.. Fact: Did you know that the Taliban once banned kite flying because it was too joyful? That sounds like a fun party to attend—if you’re into grim gatherings and frowning..
• Headline: Mississippi's Covid Crisis Unveiled. Impact: The unpreparedness of Mississippi could inspire a new reality show: 'Survivor: Medicine Edition,' where the last remaining doctor wins a lifetime supply of Band-Aids.. Fact: Did you know Mississippi has consistently ranked low in healthcare access? Maybe if they had fewer politicians and more healthcare professionals, they wouldn’t be such a sad statistic..
• Headline: U.S. Conducts Drone Strike in Kabul and Winds Down Airlift as Deadline Nears. Impact: This drone strike might just inspire a new international relations strategy: 'First, we blow things up, then we hand out flyers for peace talks!' Who knew foreign diplomacy could be so explosive?. Fact: Did you know that drone strikes are like the world's worst game of Whack-a-Mole? Get rid of one, and two more pop up to take its place—talk about a never-ending game!.
• Headline: Inside Politico’s Billion-Dollar Drama. Impact: If Politico's drama continues, we might see a future where news outlets are just as dramatic as soap operas, complete with cliffhangers and scandalous plot twists. Bring on the popcorn!. Fact: Did you know that the media mogul business is basically a high-stakes game of Monopoly, where everyone is just trying to avoid landing on 'Go to Jail'? Spoiler: It’s a constant struggle..