JUNE 25, 2021

Full News Archive

• Headline: Infiltrating Democracy: Conservative Spies Exposed. Impact: This infiltration of progressive groups inadvertently inspired a whole new generation of political activists who became adept at spotting spies, leading to a future where every meeting requires a background check and a lie detector test. Who knew paranoia could be so empowering?. Fact: Fun fact: Infiltrating groups is almost as popular as infiltrating snack cabinets. Just remember, loyalty is key in both scenarios!.
• Headline: Young Adults Targeted by Scams. Impact: The rise of scams targeting young adults ultimately led to the creation of an entire industry dedicated to 'How to Spot a Scam 101', which has now become the preferred degree for millennials who majored in 'Social Media Studies.'. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'there's no such thing as a free lunch' was actually a warning against spam emails? Kind of ironic, given the lunch you might be missing out on!.
• Headline: The Lesbian Avengers vs. Corporate Branding. Impact: This statement sparked a trend where brands began to backtrack on their 'woke' marketing strategies, resulting in a future where companies have to actually care about social issues instead of just slapping a rainbow on their products. Shocking, I know.. Fact: Fun fact: The Gap’s logo is so iconic, it once tried to trademark the color blue. Spoiler alert: it didn't go well..
• Headline: A Brooklyn Ice Cream Shop and the Make-or-Break Summer Ahead. Impact: The struggles of small businesses like Crème and Cocoa Creamery led to an unexpected boom in home ice cream-making kits. Who knew a global pandemic would turn everyone into dessert chefs? Ice cream sales skyrocketed, and waistlines expanded accordingly.. Fact: Did you know that ice cream was once considered a luxury item? Now, it’s a basic food group for the emotionally distressed. Progress!.
• Headline: Why Washington Can’t Quit Listening to Larry Summers. Impact: Larry Summers' influence over economics led to a future where every policy discussion requires a footnote citing 'Larry said so'. This has caused a rise in the popularity of economic memes, as people prefer humor over actual understanding.. Fact: Did you know that Larry Summers once suggested that women might be underrepresented in science because of 'innate differences'? Apparently, he skipped the class on common sense..