FEBRUARY 18, 2021

Full News Archive

• Headline: Cuomo's Pandemic Authority Under Fire. Impact: Cuomo's power struggle led to a domino effect of governors across the nation questioning their authority, resulting in a sudden spike in 'How to Be a Dictator' self-help books on Amazon. Who knew that a pandemic could make people so power-hungry that they forgot how to govern?. Fact: Did you know that the term 'Pandemic Powers' sounds like a superhero's sidekick? 'Watch out! Here comes the Pandemic Powers, saving the day one questionable decision at a time!'.
• Headline: Alexander Wang Faces Misconduct Allegations. Impact: Alexander Wang's misconduct allegations not only tarnished his brand but also set off a chain reaction in the fashion industry, leading to a mass exodus of party-loving designers. Now, their therapy bills are skyrocketing as they navigate the treacherous waters of personal accountability.. Fact: Did you know that the fashion industry has more drama than a soap opera? One moment you're on the runway; the next, you're dodging accusations like a contestant on a reality show..
• Headline: Should the Feds Guarantee You a Job?. Impact: The debate over guaranteed jobs opened a can of worms that led to a national 'Job Guarantee Day' where everyone sat around discussing their dream jobs while scrolling through TikTok. Surprisingly, no one could agree on what a 'real' job even is anymore.. Fact: Did you know that politicians discussing job guarantees is like cats discussing loyalty? They have no idea what they’re talking about, and it usually ends with someone getting scratched..
• Headline: Pigeon Guys Face Tough Times: ‘Who Has the Money? Who Has the Roof?’. Impact: The pigeon guys' plight led to an unexpected renaissance in urban wildlife protection, with hipsters suddenly becoming passionate advocates for pigeons. Now, they’re all sporting pigeon-themed tattoos and raising funds for 'Pigeon Shelters' as if they’re the new endangered species.. Fact: Did you know that pigeons are basically the original urban survivalists? They’ve seen it all and still have the audacity to coo at us from the rooftops. Talk about confidence!.