JANUARY 14, 2021

Full News Archive

• Headline: Inauguration Security Threats Increased. Impact: This warning from the F.B.I. was the spark that ignited a nationwide obsession with security, leading to the installation of so many cameras that even your toaster might be under surveillance now. Thanks, Capitol breach!. Fact: Did you know that after this bulletin, police chiefs started wearing capes? Just kidding, but they sure did feel like superheroes trying to save the day..
• Headline: Trump's Second Impeachment Unfolds. Impact: The impeachment served as a historical anchor, sending shockwaves through the fabric of American politics. Future politicians are now more likely to consider taking a civics class before attempting to run for office. Maybe they’ll even learn what 'checks and balances' means.. Fact: Fun fact: Being impeached twice makes you the ultimate overachiever in political drama. Who knew history would reward such dedication?.
• Headline: Biden's Challenge Amid Trump's Impeachment. Impact: Biden's attempts to remain above the fray only fueled the narrative that he was the calm in a political storm. This, of course, led to the rise of memes portraying him as the wise old sage watching the chaos unfold—like Gandalf, but with a better healthcare plan.. Fact: Did you know that Biden’s strategy was so effective that it actually inspired a new trend of politicians practicing meditation? Namaste, political drama..
• Headline: Trump Impeached for Inciting Insurrection. Impact: Trump’s impeachment marked a pivotal moment in American history, setting a precedent that could lead to future presidents thinking twice before inciting a mob. Or at least, they might hire a better PR team.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more unprecedented than this impeachment was the amount of popcorn consumed by Americans watching the trial unfold. Talk about a ratings bonanza!.
• Headline: The Maddening Red Tape Facing Older People Who Want the Vaccine. Impact: The vaccine rollout became a bureaucratic circus, leading to the invention of the 'Vaccine Appointment Bingo' game. This ensured that not only did people get vaccinated, but they also got a good laugh while waiting.. Fact: Did you know that making an appointment for the vaccine was so complicated that it became a new Olympic sport? Gold medals went to the fastest clickers!.