DECEMBER 19, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: Moderna Vaccine Approved for Emergency Use. Impact: The authorization of the Moderna vaccine ushered in an era of vaccine skepticism, where people began to believe that their morning coffee could be a form of immunization. In a parallel universe, coffee shops became the new vaccination centers, leading to a bizarre trend of latte art in the shape of syringes.. Fact: The Moderna vaccine was so effective that if it were a movie, it would have grossed more than the Avengers franchise—because who doesn’t love a superhero that fights viruses?.
• Headline: Trump's Mixed Messages on Cybersecurity Breach. Impact: Trump’s contradictory statements about Russia and China set off a chain reaction of confusion that eventually led to a new genre of political comedy where stand-up comedians had to create a 'Choose Your Own Adventure' book titled 'Whodunit: Russia or China Edition.'. Fact: This incident was the first time in history two countries were blamed for the same hack, proving that sometimes, in politics, everyone gets a participation trophy..
• Headline: China's Coronavirus Censorship Revealed. Impact: China's censorship during the coronavirus outbreak eventually inspired a new reality show where officials had to decide which news stories made it to the public. Spoiler alert: the show was canceled because everyone already knew the ending.. Fact: The only thing more censored than the coronavirus news in China was the number of cats allowed on social media—because heaven forbid anyone see a cat meme while a pandemic is unfolding!.
• Headline: An Oral History of the World’s Biggest Coupon. Impact: The Big Blue coupon became a legendary artifact, inspiring people to hoard coupons like they were gold. This eventually led to an underground coupon trading market where people would barter with expired discounts.. Fact: The Big Blue coupon was so influential that it launched a new reality show called 'Extreme Couponing: The Dark Side,' showcasing the lengths people will go to save $5..
• Headline: In Last Rush, Trump Grants Mining and Energy Firms Access to Public Lands. Impact: Trump's last-minute push for corporate access to public lands set off a series of protests that ultimately united environmentalists, tribal communities, and vegans in a common cause: saving the last remaining avocado trees.. Fact: This decision was so unpopular that it might as well have been a reality show titled 'Survivor: Public Lands Edition,' where the winner gets to decide the fate of the planet—spoiler alert: it was not a happy ending..