DECEMBER 15, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: Electoral College Confirms Biden's Presidency. Impact: Had the Electoral College decided to take a long coffee break instead of voting, we might have ended up with a reality TV star president for another term. Oh wait, we did. Just not that one.. Fact: The Electoral College is like the middleman in a very awkward relationship; it gets to decide if your choice really matters or if it just goes to waste..
• Headline: Russian Hacking Impact on U.S. Security. Impact: This massive hacking incident turned into a game of espionage whack-a-mole, making every tech company paranoid and causing them to triple-check their passwords. 'Password123' was suddenly not a good idea.. Fact: If only they had used a strong password like 'Ihatehackers2020,' maybe they would have been safe. Just kidding, that's still terrible..
• Headline: Vaccination Begins Amidst COVID-19 Crisis. Impact: The vaccine rollout kicked off a global race for immunity, leading to a world where your vaccine card became the hottest new accessory. Forget designer bags; it's all about that little piece of paper now.. Fact: 300,000 deaths is a staggering number, but people were still arguing about whether pineapple belongs on pizza. Talk about misplaced priorities!.
• Headline: ‘A Shot of Hope’: What the Vaccine Is Like for Frontline Doctors and Nurses. Impact: As frontline workers got their shots, it became clear that they were not just fighting a virus but also PTSD from their pandemic experiences. Who knew getting a shot could be the highlight of a horror movie?. Fact: Nurses and doctors are basically superheroes, but instead of capes, they wear scrubs and masks. Still waiting for the movie adaptation, though..
• Headline: Tech Companies Shift Their Posture on a Legal Shield, Wary of Being Left Behind. Impact: Tech companies suddenly feeling vulnerable led to a massive overhaul of their online presence, resulting in a wave of 'we care' messages that made everyone roll their eyes harder than ever. #SelfAwarenessFail. Fact: Section 230 is like a legal shield that allows platforms to avoid responsibility for user-generated content, but now it’s like they’re trying to figure out how to actually be responsible. Spoiler: it’s not working..