DECEMBER 6, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: Biden's Digital Strategy vs. MAGA Online. Impact: If Joe Biden’s digital team hadn’t tamed the MAGA internet, we might have ended up with a parallel universe where cat memes were the primary form of political discourse. Can you imagine? ‘Vote for Catnip 2024!’. Fact: Did you know that the term ‘MAGA’ was almost ‘Make America Grate Again’? I guess the internet decided to spare us from that particular brand of cheese..
• Headline: Mass Transit Service Cuts Amid Pandemic Challenges. Impact: The mass transit cuts could lead to a future where everyone is forced to ride around on hoverboards, creating a dystopia where suburban kids are the only ones who can afford to travel. Good luck with that, America!. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more unreliable than mass transit is your friend who always says, ‘I’ll be there in five minutes’?.
• Headline: Bergamo's Pandemic Aftermath: Survivors' Struggles. Impact: The emotional scars from Bergamo could lead to a future where therapy is a mandatory subject in schools. By the time we get there, we’ll have a generation that can’t function without a therapist on speed dial.. Fact: Did you know that in Italian, ‘survivor’s guilt’ translates to ‘I probably should have worn a mask’?.
• Headline: Who Wrote ‘Citizen Kane’? It’s No Mystery. Impact: Had the authorship of ‘Citizen Kane’ remained a mystery, conspiracy theorists would have conjured an entire genre of films about lost scripts, leading to a new Hollywood filled with ghostwriters and haunted studios.. Fact: Did you know that the real mystery behind ‘Citizen Kane’ is how anyone could sit through it without falling asleep? Just kidding, it’s a classic!.