DECEMBER 3, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: Cyber Threats Disrupt Vaccine Distribution. Impact: This cyberattack fiasco led to the creation of an underground hacker gym where attackers trained for the next big breach. By 2025, hackers are working out in spandex while plotting their next move—because nothing says 'I’m going to breach your security' like a good squat.. Fact: Fun fact: 'Unknown attackers' is just a euphemism for 'the guy who still uses his pet's name as his password.'.
• Headline: Oil Refineries See Profit in Turning Kitchen Grease Into Diesel. Impact: Turning kitchen grease into diesel led to a culinary oil boom, where chefs started experimenting with 'gourmet' fuel-infused dishes. By 2026, you'll be able to order a 'grease-infused burger' at fast-food joints—because who doesn’t want to taste last week’s fries while driving?. Fact: Did you know that cooking oil was once considered a trash product? Now it’s the 'green gold' of the energy industry. Who knew our leftovers would become a renewable energy source?.
• Headline: A Covid-Free Cruise Takes Planning, but the Strip Show Goes On. Impact: The cruise industry’s shift to Covid-free vacations spawned a new trend: luxury quarantining experiences. By 2025, it's all the rage to spend $10,000 on a week-long stay in a glass box with a view of the ocean—because who needs fresh air when you can have a sanitized view?. Fact: Did you know that before cruises to nowhere, there were actual cruises to nowhere? They were called 'ferries,' and they charged way less than this new nonsense. Who knew nostalgia could be so profitable?.