NOVEMBER 18, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: U.S. Troop Withdrawal from Afghanistan. Impact: The reduction of troops somehow led to an unexpected resurgence of knitting clubs in Afghanistan. Because really, who wouldn't want to take up knitting amidst political chaos? The Taliban is now known for their exquisite sweaters.. Fact: The last time the U.S. announced troop reductions, it resulted in a significant increase in coffee consumption stateside. Priorities, right?.
• Headline: Georgia G.O.P. Feud Over Trump Allegations. Impact: This feud sparked the Great Republican Bake-Off of 2021, where members had to bake their way back into the hearts of the public. Spoiler: the cookies were burnt, and the trust was non-existent.. Fact: In a world where everyone gets along, nobody would care about politics, and we’d be out of a job. So, keep feuding, G.O.P!.
• Headline: G.O.P. Reverses Certification Decision in Michigan. Impact: The backtrack on certification led to a nationwide trend of election 'do-overs' where disgruntled voters demanded a second shot at the ballot box - resulting in some very awkward town hall meetings.. Fact: Wayne County is home to the Detroit Lions, a team that has also mastered the art of backtracking... on winning..
• Headline: How the Out-of-Control Pandemic Is Speeding the Testing of Vaccines. Impact: The pandemic inadvertently turned scientists into the world's fastest bakers, racing to whip up vaccines faster than you can say 'sourdough starter.' Little did we know, they were actually training for the next Olympics.. Fact: In 2020, scientists discovered that the number of vaccine trials correlates directly with the number of people baking banana bread. Coincidence? I think not!.
• Headline: Cases of Mask-taken Identity. Impact: As mask-wearing became the norm, a new genre of romantic comedies emerged—'Love in the Time of Masks,' where characters fell in love through their face coverings, leading to a resurgence of interest in dental hygiene.. Fact: If you think finding your friends while masked is hard, try doing it while wearing a full medieval plague doctor outfit. Now that’s a challenge!.