NOVEMBER 12, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: Pentagon Loyalty Reshuffle Under Trump. Impact: This event set off a chain reaction where loyalty became the new currency of power. Imagine a world where 'Who you know' replaced 'What you know', leading to the appointment of a dog as Secretary of Defense in 2035. Woof.. Fact: Did you know that in 2020, loyalty was scientifically proven to be just as effective as actual qualifications? Oh wait, no, it wasn't. But it sure felt like it!.
• Headline: The President’s Backup Band. Impact: This led to a future where every politician had their own theme music. By 2025, debates became full-blown concerts, with candidates dropping mixtapes instead of policies. 'Vote for me, I'm the real Slim Shady!'. Fact: Did you know Trump once considered a career in music? Apparently, his only hit was a cover of 'I Will Survive,' but he changed the lyrics to 'I Will Thrive.'.
• Headline: Photographer Controversy and Consent Issues. Impact: This scandal created an underground movement of 'photo rights' activists, who eventually led to the National Photo Protection Act of 2025, ensuring that people can’t weaponize pictures without consent. Ironically, it involved a lot of legal nudity.. Fact: Did you know that a well-timed selfie could save or ruin your career? Just ask anyone who accidentally posted their vacation pics instead of their important work presentation..
• Headline: N.Y.C. Schools May Close Again, a Grim Sign of a Global Dilemma. Impact: The decision to close schools triggered a nationwide uprising of cats who demanded their own classrooms. By 2023, feline teachers became the norm. 'Meow-thematics' and 'Purr-suasive Writing' were mandatory subjects.. Fact: Did you know that during pandemic school closures, cats were found to have a higher GPA than high school seniors? Not surprising, given their focus on napping and staring contests..