NOVEMBER 11, 2020

Full News Archive

• Headline: El Paso Responds to COVID-19 Crisis. Impact: The introduction of mobile morgues in El Paso sparked a nationwide trend where hospitals began to compete for the most creative mobile services, eventually leading to pop-up taco stands in ER parking lots. Because who wouldn't want a taco while waiting for their test results?. Fact: Did you know that mobile morgues are just one step away from being the newest trend in upscale funeral services? Next up: trendy urban funeral homes with rooftop views!.
• Headline: Trump's Strategic Maneuvering Post-Election. Impact: Trump's insistence on not accepting defeat led to a ripple effect of conspiracy theories that would eventually inspire a new sub-genre of reality TV: 'Survivor: Election Edition.' Contestants would compete to see who could outlast the most absurd claims.. Fact: Funny how the government can be a weapon—except when it comes to fixing potholes or making the DMV more bearable..
• Headline: Voter Fraud Claims Debunked Nationwide. Impact: The Times’ thorough investigation into voter fraud made it almost impossible for future politicians to claim election rigging without being met with a collective eye roll. This led to the creation of the 'Boring but True' section in political debates.. Fact: Did you know that some politicians still believe that the Earth is flat? But hey, at least they're consistent in their delusions!.
• Headline: Black Voters Helped Deliver Biden a Presidential Victory. Now What?. Impact: Biden's acknowledgment of Black voters not only secured his presidency but also ignited a series of awkward conversations about accountability and expectations, leading to the formation of a new committee: The 'Promises Made, Promises Kept' Society, which meets every election cycle.. Fact: Did you know that every politician makes promises? It's like their version of a New Year's resolution, but without the guilt when January rolls around!.
• Headline: The Answer to What You Should Wear Now (Hint: It’s Not Sweatpants). Impact: Jil Sander's collaboration with Uniqlo not only influenced fashion but also led to a brief resurgence of the 'business casual' dress code in Zoom meetings, causing a 300% increase in the sales of dress shirts paired with pajama bottoms.. Fact: Spoiler alert: the only reason sweatpants became so popular was because we all realized no one actually needed to wear real pants during a pandemic. Who knew comfort would win?.